What REALLY happened in the Houses of Healing
by Lady LeBeau
Summary: It’s a well-kept secret––up until now, that is. What REALLY happened in the Houses of Healing during RotK, as told by Merry and Pippin. Who would’ve thought....


Title: What REALLY happened in the Houses of Healing  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: It's a well-kept secret--up until now, that is. What REALLY happened in the Houses of Healing during RotK, as told by Merry and Pippin. Who would've thought....  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything....not even Flora. She's my friend, and belongs to herself. The song "Two Magicians" belongs to Three Quarter Ale and/or whoever wrote it, but the changed lyrics belong to me. THEY'RE MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! *is forced to take her medication* I'm calm now....I think....  
  
Author's Note: This came to me in church one day. Can you believe it? Church. Also, in this story, the Rod of Stewardship and Eowyn's sword have a bit of ambient magic in them.  
  
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It was the feast after the wedding of Faramir and Eowyn. Everyone had had plenty to drink, and no one more than the two hobbits, Pippin and Merry. Once everyone had finished congratulating the bride and groom, Merry stood up on a table.  
  
"Good evening, everyone!" he called, and all the people turned to look at him. "I would like to congratulate Eowyn and Faramir. Also, it's not very well known exactly how they got together."  
  
At this, Faramir began to look worried. "You saw the whole thing?"  
  
"Yes, I did. Remember, I was in the Houses of Healing, too." He grinned and winked.  
  
"You're not going to tell them the whole story, are you?" he shouted.  
  
Merry grinned and winked. "No....I'm not going to TELL it...." Faramir looked relieved. "....but I did write a song about it."  
  
Eowyn, who had drunk more wine than her husband, laughed. "This should be interesting...."  
  
The hobbit continued. "Since I can't sing it as well by myself, I'm going to call up my esteemed cousin Pip and his girlfriend Flora to help me, as their voices are better than mine, and they know the song just as well."  
  
Pippin and Flora climbed onto the table. Flora was a young hobbit, about twenty-two, with long brown hair. Pippin grinned and waved. He had a guitar, and Flora was holding a drum and a flute, which she handed to Merry.  
  
Merry counted off. "One, two, three...." He, Pippin and Flora played their instruments. It was a lively tune, and Flora sang first.  
  
"White Lady sits by the Houses door, waiting, bored as-" Pippin clapped his hand over her mouth. He took it away in time for the next line of the song. "When by, there came a bold Steward with a white stick in his hand, sayin'-"  
  
Merry sang next. "'You are such a maiden fair, all in your robes of white. I would you take me in your arms, and stay with you tonight!"  
  
The audience began to grin. Faramir turned red. Flora and Pippin were sort of acting out what the words were saying.  
  
She continued. "'Away, away, you bold Steward! What you do say is wrong! Dost thou think a lass like me could be had for just a song?'" She winked happily at the watching people. And all three sang, "He sang, 'Bye, Lady, bye! You've lust for me, don't hide! This young Steward will be a love, so lay aside your pride! Bye, Lady, bye! You've lust for me, don't hide! This young Steward will be a love, so lay aside your pride!"  
  
Merry played a few bars on the flute, and Flora sang, "So the Lady, she took out her sword, and held it high in her hand. She turned herself into a cloud, saying, 'Catch me if you can!'"  
  
"The Steward held out the rod, turns out 'twas a magic stick. He turned to a lightning bolt to zap into her quick!" Pippin sang.  
  
The watching crowd was either laughing their heads off or in shock. Faramir wanted to disappear into the floor, and Eowyn was clapping to the rhythm.  
  
The trio sang, "He sang, 'Bye, Lady, bye! You've lust for me, don't hide! This young Steward will be a love, so lay aside your pride! Bye, Lady, bye! You've lust for me, don't hide! This young Steward will be a love, so lay aside your pride!"  
  
"So the Lady, she turned into a fish, a swimming in the brook."  
  
"So he became a fishing rod, for to catch her with his hook!" He bumped Flora, who pretended to look offended before singing, "So the Lady, she became a fly, and flew up into the air...."  
  
Pippin grinned. "So he became a hairy spider to drag her into his lair!"  
  
Flora stood up straight and folded her hands in front of her. "So the Lady, she became a rose, on a rosebush in wood."  
  
"So he became a bumblebee, and he stung her where she stood!" Right as he sang "stung", Pippin bumped her again.  
  
Flora cried "Ouch!" before continuing. "So the Lady, she turned into a horse, dark as the night is black." She looked a little angry about being "stung".  
  
"So he became a golden saddle for to climb upon her back!"  
  
This time, when the three sang the chorus, most of the crowd joined in. "He sang, 'Bye, Lady, bye! You've lust for me, don't hide! This young Steward will be a love, so lay aside your pride! Bye, Lady, bye! You've lust for me, don't hide! This young Steward will be a love, so lay aside your pride!"  
  
Merry played a flute solo again, before Flora crossed her arms and looked at Pippin. "The Lady fixed the Steward with a keen and a piercing eye."  
  
Pippin did the same. "He gave a hearty laugh, 'Hahaha! I'll give you one more try!'"  
  
"So she turned herself into a man, and leered upon him good." Flora grinned.  
  
Pippin grinned even wider. "He became a bonny lass...."  
  
Suddenly, the only music playing was Flora, quietly hitting the drum. "And she took him where he stood." She nodded and winked again. The entire crowd burst out laughing as they sang the chorus one more time. Everyone sang along loudly. "'Bye, Lady, bye! You've lust for me, don't hide! This young Steward will be a love, so lay aside your pride! Bye, Lady, bye! You've lust for me, don't hide! This young Steward will be a love, so lay aside your pride!'"  
  
Merry finished the song with a beautiful flute solo. Everybody applauded. The three bowed.  
  
"You'll have to write that down!" Aragorn called. Merry shouted back, "Yes, I'm planning to!"  
  
Faramir was bright red, and Eowyn was almost the same color, not from embarrassment, but from laughing so hard. They got down from the table to loud cheers.  
  
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And THAT, my friends, is the true story behind the romance of Faramir, Steward of Gondor, and Eowyn, White Lady of Rohan. Let me know what you think! 


End file.
